I’ll tell you, after all the disappointments and all the grieving and sitting with people that I do, it was just like the sun came out from behind the clouds…

Jane had come to me a couple years ago for counseling. She was having trouble getting pregnant, and she was thinking about what treatment options she should consider.

She was even wondering whether to pursue parenthood at all. Should she adopt? Should she live child-free? She felt very isolated, and didn’t have a lot of people who understood what she was going through. What did being a mother mean to her? What would it mean if she interfered with the natural process with in vitro fertilization? We worked on all of those issues.
Unfortunately, our time together also involved a lot of grief counseling

In those two years, Jane had one miscarriage, several failed IVF cycles, and lots of disappointment.

Working in fertility clinics, I usually see the unhappy “before” picture. Rarely do I get to see the happier “after” picture. But a couple weeks ago, I got a letter from Jane. It was an invitation to the naming ceremony for her new baby. She wrote about how life-affirming having this child had been, and all the different components that went into bringing this child onto the planet. She talked about the help she’d received from the infertility clinic and the support of her friends and family. For me it was just incredible that I got to be included in that. She was saying, “Here’s my journey and this is what you did for me.”

Not that she wouldn’t have gotten there without me. But perhaps, by working with her to develop coping skills, helping her think through all the different forks in the road, preparing her for the decisions that ensued-in some small way, I feel like I helped bring this dream into being. When I get an acknowledgement like this, and it’s something that really comes from the heart, it means a whole lot. It means the world.

Dr. Andrea Mechanick Braverman is the Director of Psychological Services for Pennsylvania Reproductive Associates (PRA) and the Women’s Institute for Fertility, Endocrinology and Menopause in Philadelphia, and is Associate Professor in Obstetrics and Gynecology for Thomas Jefferson University Hospital.