We get asked this A LOT. But the truth is, like just about anything in sex, people do what they do not based on any one formula or method, but based on their mood, their means, and their on individual psychological, emotional and physiological makeup. So, while for one man, rubbing his penis briskly in his lotion-covered palms may get him off, another may instead enjoy a long soak in the tub followed by a slow and gentle massage. The same goes with women. Some women like vibrators, but others prefer their own hands or water.

We all have different emotional and psychological needs, and those can change by the moment. Someone who one day is aroused by the fantasy of a romantic and gentle lover may the next day fantasize about forceful sex, and both of these things are okay as fantasies.

They’re your fantasies, not your actions, and to think is NOT to do. The same goes with physical needs. While we all may have genitals that are called the same thing and look similar, our levels and areas of sensitivity can vary as much as snowflakes do. So, neither I, nor anyone else, can tell you how to masturbate, because only you can experience what touch feels like in your body.

At Scarleteen, we feel that masturbation is the best way to sexually experiment and learn this for yourself, and in fact is the safest sex there is, that for many often provides some of the best sexual fulfillment. The way to find out how to masturbate is to simply feel your way around your body. There are no places on your body that are “bad” or “wrong” to touch or will damage you, and if something DOES hurt, all you have to do is stop.

Learning to masturbate is in many ways learning to be in the drivers seat of your own sexuality, and to understand that no one is in charge of it but you. It is healthy, sane and safe, and can help you to develop both sexual satisfaction as well as sexual control, all at the same time. It can help to keep you from choosing partners or becoming sexually active for the wrong reasons (in other words, keep you from using people for sex when you should be satisfying yourself), and give you a solid understanding of your own anatomy and sexual response, which is what you need to have to enjoy sex with a partner or by yourself.

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American Urological Association