Many a hip parent has confessed that when they see their young daughter, dressed in little wisps of clothing, gyrating in front of the TV while singing along with Britney Spears, it unnerves them.

I sincerely appreciate how difficult it is to watch your child try on her sexuality - especially when it’s so in-your-face.

Yet, it’s probably the same way your parents fretted when you listened to Madonna, Led Zeppelin, Elvis or whatever music you were into at the time. Kids figuring out their sexuality is an age-old parent/ teenager dilemma.

It certainly doesn’t help that headlines regularly blare about the latest thing that will compromise your daughter’s sexual morality. (Please note: there’s rarely anything in the news about your son’s sexual morality. )

Recently, Sharlene Azam got a lot of press with her book, Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss ( thenewgoodnightkiss.com).She writes about an “alarming” trend in middle class families, where “teenage girls are trading sex for . . . just about anything.” But Azam’s findings are not based on any research or scientific data. Rather, they’re based on her investigative journalist skills and her documentary film of the same name.

Unfortunately, the average fearful parent gobbles up this type of story, thereby perpetuating harmful and unfounded dogmas.

The result becomes parents who are unnecessarily paranoid about their children’s sexual conduct. And, thus, another generation of young women carry a ton of shame about their sexuality . . . for the rest of their lives. Then again, I’m a bit zealous about women’s sexual rights.

To get a balanced perspective, I spoke with sexologist Brian Parker, PhD, who has been teaching sex education in high schools and universities for many years.

I asked him if kids are more sexually active than they were 10 years ago.

He replied with an emphatic no, adding: “Studies show today’s teenagers are no more sexually active than teenagers of the last few decades. The average age of first intercourse is 16.”

Parents would undoubtedly argue that we are living in a hyper-sexualized society and that kids have more access to sexual information than any generation before them. Parker agrees, but cautions parents to be age appropriate. “If a seven-year-old is provocatively dancing to Britney Spears, they probably don’t understand what they’re doing. If it’s an 11-year-old, they probably do. It’s important to ask your child, ‘Why are you doing that?’ “

He adds, “During your ongoing conversation about sex, make sure your kids understand what your morals and values are. Don’t assume they will mirror what you want or believe. And don’t just say ‘That’s inappropriate’ - tell your kids why.”

Sex education starts at age zero and goes until your kids are out of your house. You must cram the maximum amount of information into their heads before they turn 13, when their friends become their reference point. Appreciate that as much as you would like to protect your teenager from getting a sexually transmitted infection, becoming pregnant or earning themselves a bad reputation, they will most likely have sex with or without your knowledge.

Take heart - research proves a comprehensive sex education will keep them safe and help them to make the best choices for themselves, their bodies and sexual self-esteem.

Of course, the “teenage girls trade sex for . . . just about anything” type of headlines will forever fuel parental insecurities.

I can’t help but wonder, though, what would happen if we trusted our youths and guided rather than interfered with their normal sexual development.

Trina Read is a motivational speaker and writer with a Doctorate of Human Sexuality. E-mail comments to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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