Vaginismus takes a tremendous toll on both partners in an unconsummated marriage. Typically, the woman feels inadequate, deficient, humiliated, and unwomanly, a “freak” who is different from all “normal women.” Often, she keeps the secret of her “virginal” status to herself, avoids gynecological examinations, and feels envious of her peers who are pregnant. Similarly, the male partner feels emasculated, angry, and frustrated. He is unable to see himself as a “man among men” because he knows he has never “penetrated” his wife. Both partners share a shameful secret, and, over time, it erodes their sense of self-confidence and sexual satisfaction.

When treatment is successful, most couples are joyous. They feel affirmed in their womanhood and manhood, thrilled about the possibilities of parenthood, and delighted in their newly acquired freedom to either have or not have intercourse. It is not uncommon for therapists who have been successful in helping their patients overcome their vaginismus to receive birth announcements in the year following treatment.

 

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